Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
