so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize