i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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