He told me they were just razor bumps!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
