She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
