the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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