well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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