Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
