I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is the high leading the old right now
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
