yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
