You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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