i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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