Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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