oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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