I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
