Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
