Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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