I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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