Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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