I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
