I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
