I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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