the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
