in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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