I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
