Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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