By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
