I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
