after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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