New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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