my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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