There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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