Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
