Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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