Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
