apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
