I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
