so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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