The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sober January is a disaster.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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