So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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