So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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