Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
BRING THE BAGELS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
