cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
