I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
