We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
