At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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