Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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