I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Randomize
