My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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