this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
