I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
