that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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