Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
