Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
