I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's never too late to be topless.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
