Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
operation harelip BJ is a go
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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