pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
