Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
