i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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