I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
