So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
BRING THE BAGELS
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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