Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
